Comments on: Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

By: Shannon Love

Shannon Love — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:50:42 +0000

Jim Rose,

That’s a good one. It’s a perfect one sentence story.

Now if we could find one that doesn’t involved assassinating presidents.

By: Jim Rose

Jim Rose — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:44:31 +0000

“You can’t say Texas doesn’t love you Mr. President.”

Too soon?

By: Laura(southernxyl)

Laura(southernxyl) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 01:19:23 +0000

Two men walked into a bar. The third man ducked.

You can say that to people, and start a stopwatch to measure how long it takes for them to get it.

But the question about Mrs. Lincoln still tops all of these.

By: Charlie

Charlie — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 22:08:09 +0000

How do they stick teflon to the pan?

Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

By: Lori Hiteshew

Lori Hiteshew — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 17:33:43 +0000

That place is so crowded, nobody goes there anymore.

By: Mitch

Mitch — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:48:02 +0000

The ones I like best are really jokes about jokes:

“I have a knock-knock joke. You start.”
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says “Why the long face?”
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says “What is this, some kind of joke?”

By: Scotus

Scotus — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:52:12 +0000

As a follow up to the Woody Allen one-liner: I was going to go to my metaphysics class, but then I remembered we had proved life was but a dream; so, I decided I might as well sleep in.

By: atlas

atlas — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:23:55 +0000

After being called a sarcastic ass -
“I would never insult your intelligence with a sarcastic quip.” (obviously, said in a sarcastic tone)

By: Scotus

Scotus — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 06:24:00 +0000

I was thrown out of college for cheating on my metaphysics final. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. — Woody Allen

By: mishu

mishu — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 04:53:00 +0000

Shannon, look no further than Steven Wright.

“Is there another word for synonym?”

“Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?”

Lastly, “I spilled spot remover on my dog. He’s gone now.”

By: Scotus

Scotus — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 04:35:59 +0000

He had a military wedding; well, at least there were guns there.

In (fill in the name of the place you most wish to insult) a formal wedding is one where the shotgun is painted white.

By: Jim

Jim — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 02:56:17 +0000

I’ve always been partial to the rhetorical question, ie:
“Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?”

By: Greg

Greg — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 02:02:26 +0000

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

By: veryretired

veryretired — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 00:22:33 +0000

A famous British politician (Disraeli?) as he watched a despised rival walk into Parliament—

“There, but for the grace of God, goes god.”

By: Scotus

Scotus — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:35:35 +0000

One more, by George Gobel, during a classic TONIGHT SHOW appearance: “Did you ever get the feeling the world is a tuxedo, and you are a pair of brown shoes?”

By: Scotus

Scotus — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:26:53 +0000

(Supposedly, the source of the title of Eugene O’Neill’s play THE ICEMAN COMETH) Husband calling upstairs to wife, “Has the Iceman come yet?” Wife replying to husband, “No, but he’s working hard to.”

By: Jonathan

Jonathan — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:24:13 +0000

Masochist: Beat me!

Sadist: No.

By: Tatyana

Tatyana — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:11:27 +0000

I told you a thousand times: do not exaggerate!

By: Scotus

Scotus — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:08:49 +0000

Why is there so much ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

By: Scotus

Scotus — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:04:33 +0000

Husband to wife who’s caught him in bed with another woman: “Well, honey, are you going to believe me or your lying eyes?”