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  • Those Idiot Iraqis

    Posted by Shannon Love on January 31st, 2005 (All posts by )

    I feel sorry for those poor, deluded people of Iraq.

    Yesterday, in my ignorance, I thought their election represented another step forward for their country, and perhaps the entire region. I admired the people’s bravery in going to the polls under a threat of death.

    That was before I learned THE REAL TRUTH!

    Surfing around the web today I learned that (1) the election was all sham, (2) even if it wasn’t a sham it meant absolutely nothing, (3) even if it does mean something, it just means the absolute best that the Iraqi people can hope for is an awful state of tyranny and oppression like suburban America. (Apparently, having the option of shopping at Walmart is a horrible fate beyond all telling. I never imagined!)

    Yes, according to everyone from the kid behind the counter at Starbucks to the political-science professor who has never had a real job, the elections in Iraq are a complete waste of time, a non-event. But what about all those Iraqis who were thrilled and ecstatic to be voting for the first time?

    Idiots and dupes, the lot of them.

    I mean, they’re actually right there in Iraq! Can’t they see how awful everything is? If even the kid at Starbucks understands THE REAL TRUTH about the election, why can’t the great mass of Iraqis? Are they like brain damaged or something?

    You know, we should take up a collection and arrange to fly all these earnest lefties who understand THE REAL TRUTH over to Iraq so that they can explain to randomly selected Iraqis just how awful their lives are, how stupid they are for hoping for a better and more democratic future, that the price they paid to get to this point was too high and, oh yeah, how they were really soooooo much better off under Saddam.

    One can just images the faces of the Iraqis lighting up when THE REAL TRUTH strikes them. Even though they have personally lived through all of the events of the last 15 years, the striking intellect of the kid from Starbucks — who watches a lot of CNN — will overawe them and convince them that any hope they have for the future is just illusionary.

    I really want to see that.
    I want to film it and sell tickets.
    From a safe distance.

     

    5 Responses to “Those Idiot Iraqis”

    1. LotharBot Says:

      best post ever.

    2. Patrick Chester Says:

      Ah, Walmart. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be careful.

    3. Michael Hiteshew Says:

      Unfortunately, we can no longer send the Saddam’s Iraq. That opportunity is gone forever. Pity.

      Maybe North Korea? That would be an education. Even Egypt would be a shock.

    4. Shannon Love Says:

      Michael Hiteshew,

      What is the point of sending the kid-from-Starbucks to North Korea, Egypt etc?

      Remember that the kid-from-Starbucks already knows THE REAL TRUTH! It is pointless to send him anywhere because he already knows everything. He learned it all from the political-science-professor-who’s-never-had-a-real-job.

      The goal here is to enlightened those poor idiots in Iraq about THE REAL TRUTH so they won’t waste time hoping for a better tomorrow.

      (The ugly rumors that this is all a ploy by me to make money by selling video of the kid-from-Starbucks and political-science-professor-who’s-never-had-a-real-job getting punched in the face are just scurrilous lies spread by rightwing types who don’t want people to know THE REAL TRUTH!)

    5. j.scott barnard Says:

      Shannon, actually this sound like a great idea. Have you ever heard of Evan Coyne Maloney? He’d be a good project manager for the effort. He’s got alot of experience filming useful idtiots.

      http://brain-terminal.com

      I remember when the statue was toppled and some of the iraqis had gotten hold of an old human shield group’s banner. And they struck out some words and put “Go Home Wankers!” You see, they didn’t except the “REAL TRUTH” that the human shields were offering.

      I would pay money to see your movie. –s