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  • Report from the Midwest

    Posted by Ginny on May 23rd, 2007 (All posts by )

    One of our regular commentors has no idea who Iowahawk is – clearly we owe our readers more than this. He’s the man, the Michael Yon of the Midwest, reporting on the always risky flyover territory. Like Lileks, he sends back reports, embedded in the seething ethnic enclaves. (Of coure if he’s the Michael Yon then Garrison Keillor is the Fisk.) Today, he analyzes a poll of that poorly understood group, the Lutherans.

    Although a majority 87% of respondents agreed that “The world should be brought to submission under global Lutheran conquest and eternal perfect rule,” there was a great deal of disagreement on the means to accomplish it. More than 95% supported “pancake breakfasts” “popcorn fundraisers,” but support dropped to less than 80% for “cow tipping” and “T-P’ing infidel houses.” Support dropped even more dramatically for more violent means of conquest, such as “suicide bombing” (28%), “decapitation” (24%), and “running over Presbyterians with my Ski-Doo” (23%)

     

    15 Responses to “Report from the Midwest”

    1. Ralf Goergens Says:

      What did people expect? If Lutherans weren’t such wimps, they’d be Catholics.

    2. Dan from Madison Says:

      You will all eat lutefisk. Resistance is futile…you will be assimilated!

    3. John Jay Says:

      Ralf – from where a Baptist sits, there isn’t any difference between Lutherans and Catholics. ;-)

    4. Ralf Goergens Says:

      John,

      Kinky Friedman once said, and please understand that I’m just quoting here without necessarily endorsing the statement, that there is nothing wrong with Baptists, they should just be kept under water for longer.

    5. Ralf Goergens Says:

      Not that a Lutheran or Catholic could keep them down there, of course. :)

    6. MD Says:

      As a fellow Iowan (okay, raised in Iowa Iowan), I am so proud to be from the same state as Iowahawk!

      *Although, I am a Cyclone, not a Hawkeye. Iowans would get that.

    7. John Jay Says:

      I think he meant the Southern Baptists ;-)

      Most of us are pretty normal, but most of the fringe elements of Protestantism also come out of either our fold, or the Penecostals, who are bascially Baptists who speak in gibberish, er… in tounges. Yeah, that’s it.

    8. Sgt. Mom Says:

      We would not keep them down, Ralf… we’d just bring them lots of tuna-noodle casserole.
      With crumbled potato chips on top.
      Yes, tremble before the mighty weapons of the Lutheran pot-luck supper!

    9. Ralf Goergens Says:

      I think he meant the Southern Baptists ;-)

      Yes, he was referring to the.

      most of the fringe elements of Protestantism also come out of either our fold, or the Penecostals, who are bascially Baptists who speak in gibberish, er… in tounges

      Well, at least they have a head start on getting the Book of Revelations.

    10. Ralf Goergens Says:

      Sgt Mom:

      We would not keep them down, Ralf… we’d just bring them lots of tuna-noodle casserole.
      With crumbled potato chips on top.
      Yes, tremble before the mighty weapons of the Lutheran pot-luck supper!

      Killing them with kindness, eh? :)

      the mighty weapons of the Lutheran

      Care to reconsider that apostasy thing? The Pope and I would be overjoyed to welcome you back to the fold ;)

    11. Sgt. Mom Says:

      Well… actually, the way that the Catholic church has been going… many of the reforms that Luther was originally after were made over the following 400 years. I believe one of the only main sticking points now is Papal infallibility!

      Martin Luther would be thrilled to know that the the Catholic church has finally caught up to him, after that bad patch during the Renaissance.

    12. Ralf Goergens Says:

      I believe one of the only main sticking points now is Papal infallibility!

      He´s only supposed to be infallible when speaking ex cathedra, and the current Pope even has doubts about that. No more excuses! :)

      many of the reforms that Luther was originally after were made over the following 400 years.

      Those were the days, when Popes had ilklegitimate children and made them Cardinals, or were assasinated by jelous husbands!

    13. Ralf Goergens Says:

      Sorry, “jealous”

    14. Sgt. Mom Says:

      There’s damn little to choose between the Lutherans (Missouri Synod) and the Catholics, these days.

      Come to us, Ralf… the tuna-noodle casserole is calling! You are powerless to resist! Look to your logical side… and come!
      It is your destiny!

      (and I may have had two glasses of cheap chablis, but I can still spell!)

    15. Ralf Goergens Says:

      >blockquote>(and I may have had two glasses of cheap chablis, but I can still spell!)

      Now that is just the kind of snide comment I´d expect from a Lutheran! If the Swedes hadn´t intervened, we´d given you lot a good drubbing in the 1620s at the latest. Hmpf!