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  • The Miami Supermarket Parking Lot Chicken Heuristic

    Posted by Jonathan on January 14th, 2012 (All posts by )

    This is a new method for evaluating supermarkets. Instead of wasting time going into each store, comparing product selection, prices and so forth, we need only compare the quality of the stray chickens in the stores’ respective parking lots. You think I’m joking? See for yourself:

    Publix parking lot chicken
    Publix parking lot
      Costco parking lot chicken
    Costco parking lot

    The data predict that Costco will be the superior store, and this prediction is consistent with the evidence. Our model thus has a perfect predictive record.

    We could be onto something big here. Do the global-warming people know about this?


    8 Responses to “The Miami Supermarket Parking Lot Chicken Heuristic”

    1. Dan from Madison Says:

      The model is clearly quite sound. Just one question, are these stray chickens indigenous or what is the deal?

    2. Jonathan Says:

      Some people raise chickens around here. I think it’s an immigrant thing. Sometimes chickens get loose. I don’t know if they’re attracted to parking lots or if that just happens to be where I see them. Maybe people feed them there. The ones I see usually look well kept. The Costco rooster was an especially fine specimen. He was in a tree in the middle of a busy parking lot, crowing.

    3. Dan from Madison Says:

      I imagine they get fed some and also get garbage and dropped items from the parking lots. Either way, this is big, big research on your part. I have been trying to think of an equivalent way to rate markets here in the arctic north, but haven’t come up with anything yet.

    4. Sgt. Mom Says:

      Hmmm. They certainly are spectacular … I gues none of the shoppers are interested in a D-Y-I chicken dinner? On second thought,they’re probably tough eating.

      On the other hand, I did see this story on the UK Daily Mail website: it seems that squirrel pie is enjoying a culinary revivial.

    5. Mitch Says:

      They’re all over the place in Key West. I wondered at the time why some enterprising fellow didn’t harvest them with a BB gun.

    6. Will Says:

      Lived in Brooklyn, N.Y. for years, many run loose there and in the suburbs of Eastern Long Island. My theory was that the relatively quiet, egg producing hens were kept penned, and they let the pain-in-the-ass roosters loose to take care of business, (and to allow the guilty parties some peace and quiet)Like the omnipresent pit bull menace, another quality of life aggravation in the occupied territories.

    7. Will Says:

      Pardon moi, meant to write WESTERN Long Island…(for all I know the Hamptons may have their own infestation, though)

    8. Mockingbird Says:

      Cock a doodle doo!