Chicagoboyz Coordinating-Committee for the Coordination of Coordinators for Pan-European Aid (Please won’t you help?)

Here at Chicagoboyz, our hearts bleed for victims of natural disasters.

In our constant strive to do good in the world, and rallying behind Jan Egeland�s inspirational call to be less stingy, I want to take up the cause of victims in Florida ravaged by the worst hurricane disaster in recent memory. Taking inspiration from the United Nations, and The Diplomad, I propose setting up the Chicagoboyz Coordinating-Committee for the Coordination of Coordinators for Pan-European Aid (or CCCP for short). The mission of the CCCP will be to act as the primary coordinators coordinating the collection of aid from European countries.

The French have already generously sent their carrier battle group Charles De Gaulle to aid in relief operations. The Charles De Gaulle has been parked off the Florida coast, unloading supplies late into the afternoons with its helicopters at a prodigious rate of 200 pounds a day.

Image Copyright 2004 SPG Media Limited a subsidiary of SPG Media Group PLC

The steady supplies of wine and cheese have been instrumental in the unprecedented relief operations. In a show of solidarity with the victims (and mirroring US sailors helping Tsunami victims), the sailors aboard the Charles De Gaulle have stopped taking showers so that more water from the ship�s desalination generators can go towards aiding the victims. This impressive effort has generated a net increase of 20 gallons per day, every drop of which is going towards disaster relief.

Obviously, such massive outpouring of aid to the Florida hurricane victims requires careful coordination to ensure the aid goes toward the intended victims. So the logical first step I propose is to start a fundraising drive. Working in conjunction with UNICEF, the newly created CCCP will be placing collection jars in select French and Norwegian supermarket chains. As UNICEF�s jars are well known and uniquely recognized by their light blue, our jars adjacent to UNICEF jars will be in a distinct red, with the initials CCCP emblazoned in an attention grabbing yellow. We will also be selling CCCP t-shirts and flags as part of the fundraising drive. Every Euro collected will go towards relief coordination activities.

Our first modest goal of �10,000 will go towards reimbursing funds already spent from the Chicagoboyz� general fund. As soon as the hurricanes struck, Chicagoboyz General Secretary Jonathan G ewirtz immediately dispatched Andy B as Deputy Emergency Relief Coordinator and the Secretary-General’s Special Coordinating Envoy for Humanitarian Assistance in Hurricane Affected Areas (or HAHAA for short) for a whirlwind two day fact finding tour. As Special Envoy, Andy conducted extensive interviews with the victims, gave a press conference, and began a feasibility study into the possibility of potential coordination of coordinating activities for project HAHAA.

As project HAHAA unfolds, it will become clear the extent of the suffering taking place, as well as the need for immediate aid. An excerpt from Andy�s fact finding tour is listed below:

Escaping the horrors of the onrushing storm, one refugee family had to seek shelter for a whole week in a 2-star hotel. The hazardous journey up the interstate was fraught with danger, and their SUV nearly ran out of gas. Subsisting on a diet of room service, their ordeal depleted their meager vacation savings. �We were going to use that money to go to Hawaii in the Spring, but now we�re left with nothing. Nothing, I tell you��

In another dramatic scene, as a French helicopter lands in an open field outside of Miami, a crowd of hurricane survivors rushed the helicopter grabbing whatever they could. Bottles of Evian and boxes of brie flung out from the sides of the French helicopters were quickly and gratefully received by the Hurricane survivors.

Our second financial goal will be to raise �200,000 to set up a mobile camp for relief workers, namely Incognito and entourage. The mobile camp will have to be fully self-contained, with kitchen, food, lodging, everything, because we have nowhere to stay and we don’t want them to be an additional burden on the people there. The following link is an executive summary of our plans for the mobile camp. An artist’s renditioning of the mobile camp is as follows:

Image Copyright 2005 Winnebago Industries, Inc.

The goal of project HAHAA, and purpose of the mobile camp, will be to carefully make progress down the Florida coast, coordinating and assessing.

Using the UN as our model, we will be able to quickly and effectively give aid where aid is needed most. Please send cash if you are interested in helping.

10 thoughts on “Chicagoboyz Coordinating-Committee for the Coordination of Coordinators for Pan-European Aid (Please won’t you help?)”

  1. Looks like we are adding new capabilities. First we began acquiring various wunderwaffe for global, solar-systemic and ultimately galactic conquest. Now we are adding the first elements of a Barnettian Sys-Admin force. I think the mobile camp will be a solid initial investment.

  2. Indeed Lex. We must show the international community that when Chicagoboyz give aid, we mean business. Our message to the Europeans must be clear: We will not relent (send money), we will not flinch (send money), until each and every last Floridian (send money) is back on their feet (send money), and on the road to recovery (don’t be stingy, send money).

  3. I think it’s really important that we ship adequate supplies of baguettes and some good neutral-tasting crackers to go with all that brie. Really important. And let’s not forget those field-expedient cheese knives! Yes. And maybe some other varieties of cheese while we’re at it. Not to mention the massage ladies to provide mobile therapy sessions. Coordinating is hard work.

  4. Ha ha ha! Sorry, I can’t help out. I’m already contributing to FRUFRU, the UN’s “Flood Relief Uber-Frau Registration Unit. They’ve leased the HMS Brittania and are safely docked off the Falarones, preparing to coordinate FEMA’s relief activities in California and Arizona’s flood zones.

    – Steve

  5. Sandy,

    Trifold business cards, fantastic idea. When the funds started rolling in, I was planning to have gold trimmed stainless steel etched business cards made to hand out.


    Absolutely, please send check or money order to…

    111 Main St.
    Anytown, USA


    I have a new tag line for the our future relief efforts!

    “Chicagoboyz: Putting the profit back in non-profit.”

    Catchy, don’t you think?

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