Situational Awareness
Posted by Shannon Love on February 20th, 2010 (All posts by Shannon Love)
This morning, my spouse intercepts me coming out of the bathroom ask, “I’m going to the store, do you need anything?”
“Yes,” I replied, “I need some [blank] and some [blank] because I have [insert graphic and colorful description of a minor but disgusting personal problem].”
My spouse looked startled. Confused, I looked around.
“Oh,” I said, “You might have informed me we have company.”
Every day I grow more convinced the universe is a cosmic conspiracy to rob me of my dignity.
February 20th, 2010 at 5:52 pm
So you have claimed for a very long time.
February 20th, 2010 at 7:30 pm
You letting the whole World know about it are not helping either, don’t you think?
February 20th, 2010 at 8:05 pm
Frederick Davies,
D’oh!
February 21st, 2010 at 9:13 am
On a business trip with another guy, waiting to change planes at an airport somewhere:
ME: So I got this book about *names*…survey research on the psychological implications of various names. Can’t remember what the worst male name is, but by far the worst female name is “Bertha.”
ELDERLY LADY: I quite agree with you. That is my name, and is has been a burden to me all of my life.
February 21st, 2010 at 1:01 pm
The uncle of a friend of mine was born in the late 20s and was named “Adolph”. He generally went by the name of “Bud”.
February 21st, 2010 at 1:30 pm
If I had any dignity left to worry about, I would agree with you.
February 26th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Hanging out with the other comics on open mike night, we kicked around a version of this- the three item shopping list. Examples:
Young woman: (Ann Abeyta, fellow comic)
1) Bottle of aspirin
2) pregnancy test
3) wire coat hanger
Bearded man: (me, inadvertently, Oct 29 1997)
1) package of candy
2) bag of apples
3) razor blades
Scowling, angry black man: (observed, not made up!)
1) box of condoms
2) tube of KY jelly
3) bottle of mouthwash
Keeping a straight face at the last one was physically painful, but I managed, and didn’t get killed.