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  • “Twitter Rolls Out New Feature That Auto-Posts ‘Ban Assault Rifles!’ From Your Account Any Time a Mass Shooting Hashtag Starts Trending”

    Posted by Jonathan on August 14th, 2019 (All posts by )

    Don’t give them ideas:

    Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey said he was “excited” about the rollout of the new feature.
    “For at least 2 years now, maybe even longer, America has been faced with the tragedy of mass shootings,” said Dorsey. “While some people waste time considering the feelings of the victims and their families, others do the smart thing and start offering solutions to the problem. Now, the only solution that would have any effect – at least according to all the angry tweets I’ve read on the topic – is a complete ban on assault rifles. The problem is, not everyone is doing all they can to spread that message – like those ‘why don’t we discuss this calmly and study our options’ morons.”

    UPDATE: This is satire.


    8 Responses to ““Twitter Rolls Out New Feature That Auto-Posts ‘Ban Assault Rifles!’ From Your Account Any Time a Mass Shooting Hashtag Starts Trending””

    1. Harvey Olson Says:

      At some point, the social media giants will decide that PC auto-posts are like fluoride in the water – it’s just their way of helping.

    2. Grurray Says:

      “While some people waste time considering the feelings of the victims and their families

      You see things on the internet all the time that make you pause and shake your head in disgust, but the Twitter backlash against praying for victims probably takes the cake. It’s bad, not just for the insensitivity, but also for the stupidity of associating praying with complicity in the crime.

      The misconception that prayer encourages inaction and docility stems from their only frame of reference to this subject. That is the secularization and marketing of Oprahized spirituality and psychological pseudoreligions. We’ve all probably seen something like this on social networks, “sending good thoughts your way” or “positive energy” or something weird like that. As if they can just drop a mental donation into the universal energy field like it was some pneumatic message tube, to be sucked up and delivered to their needy friend on a different floor of the morphic force-field.

      We can all agree that if that was really how it worked, it would make the world dismal and meaningless. I would become an atheist too. Like that old joke, ‘I don’t believe in the God you don’t believe in either.”

      But no, since we live in the real world, prayer instead is a call to action. A petition both to forces beyond our understanding and for aligning ourselves with forces outside of our control. Because aside from solipsists, we all accept that fact that there are some things underpinning all of this that are just inevitably beyond reason and control.

    3. Gavin Longmuir Says:

      those ‘why don’t we discuss this calmly and study our options’ morons

      Morons? So the God of Twitter would rather people take actions in the heat of an emotional moment, without engaging any brain cells at all? That makes Dorsey sound like he is on the same mental frequency as rampage shooters.

      Whenever I see something like this, I wonder — Does Dorsey live in a gated community instead of a normal neighborhood? Does Dorsey have bodyguards, unlike the rest of us? Does Dorsey fly on private jets instead of on commercial flights? Does Dorsey vacation on a private Greek island instead of on a public beach in Florida? Why should we listen to anyone who is so insulated from the lives of ordinary people?

    4. Grurray Says:

      Does Dorsey vacation on a private Greek island instead of on a public beach in Florida?

      Last winter he tweeted out pictures of his vacation visiting a Buddhist monastery in Burma. He spent ten days silently meditating on floors and rocks. He faced criticism for enjoying his time in a country ruled by a brutal regime, but I don’t see the point of those complaints. Any of us can waltz over to the nearest big box store and buy a cart load of products made by another brutal regime, China.

      My problem was his way of promoting a Silicon Valley a la carte spiritualism as the latest trendy tonic. “Vipassana’s singular objective is to hack the deepest layer of the mind and reprogram it.” Bahhhh, gag me with a spoon. No, the objective was to keep people cohesive and content because they didn’t know whether the day would deliver happiness or miserable death from a monsoon.

    5. Sgt. Mom Says:

      What … not the Babylon Bee?

    6. Mike K Says:

      I am so happy that I never got interested in Twitter.

    7. Roy Kerns Says:

      No, Sgt Mom, not the Bee. They know how to do satire that people (other than Snopes) quickly recognizes as satire.

    8. Mike-SMO Says:

      Both the El Paso and Dayton shooters were socialists of a sort. The Texas socialist seemed to think that there were too many people and that the US and the world would be “sustainable” if there were fewer people around. Sounds like the old Soviet approach in the Ukraine, Holodomor. The Dayton “hero” had some rationale for murder involving socialism, Antifa, and Satan.

      I can see why the Leftie social media commisars would want a distraction about “asault weapons”, lest anyone notice the traditional Leftist approach of killing, imprisoning, and/or starving, their opponents in order to make the socialist Utopia appear.

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