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  • Evil Capitalist Multinational Corporation Propaganda Machine Run Delightfully Amok

    Posted by Captain Mojo on March 1st, 2005 (All posts by )

    Hootie Ho-down
    If you’ve been watching much television lately, you may have caught Burger King‘s new ad for its Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch Chicken Sandwich. The spot, which is titled “Fantasy Ranch” has won my heart with its mix of wholesome folksy music, blatant sexual innuendo, and complete lunacy, all twisted to the purpose of promoting the unhealthy fast-food agenda of a multinational conglomerate. Tell me that this concept doesn’t warm your cold, machine-like capitalist heart as it does mine.

    With the backdrop of a vaguely psychedelic Wizard Of Oz style landscape, the commercial features Darius Rucker (front man for the intolerable college-schlock band, Hootie and the Blowfish) decked out in a rhinestone encrusted cowboy suit, playing his guitar and singing a jingle while wondrous fast-food related events, mostly involving scantily clad curvaceous women, occur all about him.

    It is the most wonderful short piece I’ve seen since the whacked out video for the song Frontier Psychiatrist, by Australian electronica band The Avalanches.

    The full lyrics, as sung to the tune of “Big Rock Candy Mountain”:

    When my belly starts a-rumblin’, and I’m jonesin’ for a treat.
    I close my eyes for a big surprise, the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch.
    I love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch, the breasts they grow on trees.
    And streams of bacon ranch dressing, flow right up to your knees.
    Tumbleweeds of bacon, and cheddar paves the streets.
    Folks don’t front ‘ya cause ya got the juice, there’s a train of ladies comin’ with a nice caboose.
    Never get in trouble, never need an excuse, the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch.
    I love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch no one tells ya to behave.
    Your wildest fantasies come true, Dallas cheerleaders give you shaves.
    Red onions make you laugh instead, and french fries grow like weeds.
    Ya get to veg all day, all the lotto tickets pay.
    The king who wants you to have it your way, that’s the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch.


    The piece was created by ad agency Crispin Porter & Bogusky, who were also responsible for Burger King’s disturbing Subservient Chicken viral marketing website. They are geniuses.

    There are two versions of the commercial; a 30-second version which gets the most airplay, and a slightly saucier 60 second version which I’ve only seen late at night. You can view the 60 version here. (link via

    Apparently, Hootie fans are dismayed by Rucker’s debasing himself in such a terrible commercial. I would disagree, arguing that this short piece has redeemed the man from the eternal damnation he has earned for inflicting Hootie on an unsuspecting world. But then again, I never much cared for the whole ‘Blowfish’ thing, and am, to be fair, kind of a jerk.

    I wish Mr. Rucker luck on his subsequent musical endeavors.

    If you had trouble with the video link above, the 30 second version can also be downloaded in Windows Media and Quicktime formats. (hosting thanks to MMMikey)

    Update 2:
    MMMikey, who is obviously a man of exquisite taste, is also hosting the long version in Windows Media and Quicktime formats, just in case the msn link doesn’t work.


    26 Responses to “Evil Capitalist Multinational Corporation Propaganda Machine Run Delightfully Amok”

    1. Tman Says:

      I think that anything that dismays the Hootie fanbase pretty much has to be right. In other news, there’s still a Hootie fanbase.

    2. Jonathan Says:

      That’s pretty cool. How can I get a shirt like Hootie’s?

    3. Captain Mojo Says:

      Your wish is my command Jonathan:

      Mojo knows his flamboyant shirts…

    4. incognito Says:

      Genius. Wish a multinational would write me a check. Oh wait, they do every 2 weeks. Isn’t capitalism grand?

    5. Mal Says:

      That’s cool. Too bad my work browser can’t access it. =( Don’t suppose there are any other sites with the files?

    6. Jonathan Says:

      Thanks, Mojo!

    7. Billy Beck Says:

      Nevermind the shirt. The man has superb taste in guitars.

      (Gibson forever!)

    8. commandercornflake Says:

      Hey Mojo,

      I too was inordinately pleased with this commercial the very first time I saw it. My girlfriend, however, was less than pleased with both the ad and my happy reaction to it.

      I beleive the conversation went something like this:

      “That is the most horribly stupid and sexist commercial I have ever seen.”

      “I know.”

      “Then why do you look like you’ve had an overdose of opiates?”


      “That commercial is a perfect example of appealing to men’s stupidest fantasies- it’s just a bunch of halk-naked women and fatty food!”

      Me (still vacantly staring at screen with blissful drooling):
      “Oh my God, it even has Brooke Burke!

    9. MMMikey Says:

      To go along with that 30-second spot, I am also hosting WMV and QT versions of the 60-second commercial if the MSN version isn’t working for you.

    10. Captain Mojo Says:

      Mal, see the update. Downloadable Quicktime and WMV files for the 30 second spot are available.

      BB, you are correct sir. But let us not belittle the importance of Mr. Rucker’s brave outfit. I mean, the little scarf just ties everything together, really. I think I’d need to lose some weight before I could pull something like that off…

      Cornflake my old friend, it is good to hear from you. I believe your woman, in her disapproving description, nicely sums up all that is good and right about the ad. We men are simple creatures, and our predictable tastes are easily exploited by these crafty admen. Bless them for their cynical manipulation of our craven nature.

      I had also shamefully failed to mention the glorious presence of Ms. Burke, although it was one of my original reasons for posting about the commercial in the first place.
      She is looking superb here, and her closing lines of the 30 second version are most appealing. Unfortunately, I have heard troubling rumors of facial plastic surgery on this most beautiful of women. I hope they are untrue…

    11. Captain Mojo Says:

      Thanks MMMikey!

    12. Chris Says:

      The worst part about this is that the song that the jingle is based on “Big Rock Candy Mountains” by Harry McClintock (I think) is a GREAT song….made (sort of) popular again recently by it’s appearance in Oh, Brother Where Art Thou…

      I sing my 2 year old daughter to sleep many nights with Big Rock Candy Mountain….

      Hobos rule!

    13. Chris Says:

      for no apparent reason other than my own need to share the fact that I know this song by are the lyrics to the original song

      One evening as the sun went down
      and the jungle fires were burning
      Down the tracks came a hobo hiking
      an’ said “boys, I’m not turnin”

      I’m headed to a land that’s far away
      beside the crystal fountain
      So come with me…we’ll go and see
      the big rock candy mountain

      [Following verses have tune that was copied]

      In the big rock candy mountain
      there’s a land that’s fair and bright
      Where the handouts grow on bushes an’
      you sleep out every night
      Where the boxcars all are empty
      and the sun shines every day
      On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees
      and the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
      In the big rock candy mountain

      In the big rock candy mountain
      all the cops have wooden legs
      And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth
      and the hens lay soft boiled eggs
      And the farmers trees are full of fruit
      and the barns are full of hay
      Well I’m bound to go where it doesn’t snow
      Where the rain don’t fall and the wind don’t blow
      In the big rock candy mountains….

      In the big rock candy mountains
      you never change your socks
      And the little streams of alcohol
      come a tricklin’ down the rocks
      And the brakemen have to tip their hats
      and the railroad bulls are blind
      There’s a lake of stew and of whiskey too
      You can paddle all around ’em in a big canoe
      In the big rock candy mountains

      In the big rock candy mountains
      all the jails are made of tin
      And you can walk right out again
      as soon as you are in
      And there ain’t no short handled shovels
      no axes, saws, or picks
      Well I’m bound to stay where you sleep all day
      Where they hung the jerk that invented work
      In the big rock candy mountains

      [whistle additional verse tune up utnil last 2 lines]
      I’ll see you all this comin fall
      in the big rock candy mountains…

      Yes, I have no life….

    14. Ginny Says:

      And in the sixties we sang WOBBLY songs, pretending. . . what, we were the workers of the world.

    15. Bildo818 Says:

      I am so glad I am not the only one who digs this commerical. I honestly sing it alllllll day at work. Since the people at work are getting pissed at me, I think I will make this 60 min extended clip repeat for 8 hours. Thanks Mikey!!


    16. Matt Says:

      I can’t get enough of this song. I am so glad that I was able to get the 60 second clip. I play all the time and share it with friends. The good people at Burger King have done it again.

    17. Hillay Says:

      I love this song..! I sing it all the time and my friends are starting to get mad since its just always in my head! but its a great tune and its always in my head…!

    18. Mimi Says:

      I love this song!

    19. Mo-Gan Says:

      This commercial is wicked awesome. Makes very little sense and you gotta love anything that throws together hot women Darius Rucker and Bacon.

    20. Mike Says:

      Who’s the girl on the swing at the very end? She’s beautiful, and she looks familiar.

    21. Captain Mojo Says:

      Mike, That’s the always lovely Brooke Burke.

    22. Turi Says:

      Really? I could’ve sworn it was Shania Twain-but she’s a vegitarian right?

    23. Jim Treacher Says:

      Frontier Psychiatrist. “That boy needs therapy!”

    24. Captain Mojo Says:

      Right you are Jim. Noted and corrected.

    25. Lex Says:

      The Frontier Pyschiatrist video is amazing.

    26. Lex Says:

      Subservient Chicken did the YMCA dance on request. Glad to know it is still out there.