Evil Capitalist Multinational Corporation Propaganda Machine Run Delightfully Amok

Hootie Ho-down
If you’ve been watching much television lately, you may have caught Burger King‘s new ad for its Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch Chicken Sandwich. The spot, which is titled “Fantasy Ranch” has won my heart with its mix of wholesome folksy music, blatant sexual innuendo, and complete lunacy, all twisted to the purpose of promoting the unhealthy fast-food agenda of a multinational conglomerate. Tell me that this concept doesn’t warm your cold, machine-like capitalist heart as it does mine.


With the backdrop of a vaguely psychedelic Wizard Of Oz style landscape, the commercial features Darius Rucker (front man for the intolerable college-schlock band, Hootie and the Blowfish) decked out in a rhinestone encrusted cowboy suit, playing his guitar and singing a jingle while wondrous fast-food related events, mostly involving scantily clad curvaceous women, occur all about him.

It is the most wonderful short piece I’ve seen since the whacked out video for the song Frontier Psychiatrist, by Australian electronica band The Avalanches.

The full lyrics, as sung to the tune of “Big Rock Candy Mountain”:

When my belly starts a-rumblin’, and I’m jonesin’ for a treat.
I close my eyes for a big surprise, the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch.
I love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch, the breasts they grow on trees.
And streams of bacon ranch dressing, flow right up to your knees.
Tumbleweeds of bacon, and cheddar paves the streets.
Folks don’t front ‘ya cause ya got the juice, there’s a train of ladies comin’ with a nice caboose.
Never get in trouble, never need an excuse, the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch.
I love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch no one tells ya to behave.
Your wildest fantasies come true, Dallas cheerleaders give you shaves.
Red onions make you laugh instead, and french fries grow like weeds.
Ya get to veg all day, all the lotto tickets pay.
The king who wants you to have it your way, that’s the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch.

(source)

The piece was created by ad agency Crispin Porter & Bogusky, who were also responsible for Burger King’s disturbing Subservient Chicken viral marketing website. They are geniuses.

There are two versions of the commercial; a 30-second version which gets the most airplay, and a slightly saucier 60 second version which I’ve only seen late at night. You can view the 60 version here. (link via wantmoore.com)

Apparently, Hootie fans are dismayed by Rucker’s debasing himself in such a terrible commercial. I would disagree, arguing that this short piece has redeemed the man from the eternal damnation he has earned for inflicting Hootie on an unsuspecting world. But then again, I never much cared for the whole ‘Blowfish’ thing, and am, to be fair, kind of a jerk.

I wish Mr. Rucker luck on his subsequent musical endeavors.

Update:
If you had trouble with the video link above, the 30 second version can also be downloaded in Windows Media and Quicktime formats. (hosting thanks to MMMikey)

Update 2:
MMMikey, who is obviously a man of exquisite taste, is also hosting the long version in Windows Media and Quicktime formats, just in case the msn link doesn’t work.

26 thoughts on “Evil Capitalist Multinational Corporation Propaganda Machine Run Delightfully Amok”

  1. I think that anything that dismays the Hootie fanbase pretty much has to be right. In other news, there’s still a Hootie fanbase.

  2. Genius. Wish a multinational would write me a check. Oh wait, they do every 2 weeks. Isn’t capitalism grand?

  3. That’s cool. Too bad my work browser can’t access it. =( Don’t suppose there are any other sites with the files?

  4. Hey Mojo,

    I too was inordinately pleased with this commercial the very first time I saw it. My girlfriend, however, was less than pleased with both the ad and my happy reaction to it.

    I beleive the conversation went something like this:

    Girlfriend:
    “That is the most horribly stupid and sexist commercial I have ever seen.”

    Me:
    “I know.”

    Girlfriend:
    “Then why do you look like you’ve had an overdose of opiates?”

    Me:
    “hmmmm….”

    Girlfriend:
    “That commercial is a perfect example of appealing to men’s stupidest fantasies- it’s just a bunch of halk-naked women and fatty food!”

    Me (still vacantly staring at screen with blissful drooling):
    “Oh my God, it even has Brooke Burke!

  5. To go along with that 30-second spot, I am also hosting WMV and QT versions of the 60-second commercial if the MSN version isn’t working for you.

  6. Mal, see the update. Downloadable Quicktime and WMV files for the 30 second spot are available.

    BB, you are correct sir. But let us not belittle the importance of Mr. Ruckers brave outfit. I mean, the little scarf just ties everything together, really. I think Id need to lose some weight before I could pull something like that off…

    Cornflake my old friend, it is good to hear from you. I believe your woman, in her disapproving description, nicely sums up all that is good and right about the ad. We men are simple creatures, and our predictable tastes are easily exploited by these crafty admen. Bless them for their cynical manipulation of our craven nature.

    I had also shamefully failed to mention the glorious presence of Ms. Burke, although it was one of my original reasons for posting about the commercial in the first place.
    She is looking superb here, and her closing lines of the 30 second version are most appealing. Unfortunately, I have heard troubling rumors of facial plastic surgery on this most beautiful of women. I hope they are untrue…

  7. The worst part about this is that the song that the jingle is based on “Big Rock Candy Mountains” by Harry McClintock (I think) is a GREAT song….made (sort of) popular again recently by it’s appearance in Oh, Brother Where Art Thou…

    I sing my 2 year old daughter to sleep many nights with Big Rock Candy Mountain….

    Hobos rule!

  8. for no apparent reason other than my own need to share the fact that I know this song by heart..here are the lyrics to the original song

    One evening as the sun went down
    and the jungle fires were burning
    Down the tracks came a hobo hiking
    an’ said “boys, I’m not turnin”

    I’m headed to a land that’s far away
    beside the crystal fountain
    So come with me…we’ll go and see
    the big rock candy mountain

    [Following verses have tune that was copied]

    In the big rock candy mountain
    there’s a land that’s fair and bright
    Where the handouts grow on bushes an’
    you sleep out every night
    Where the boxcars all are empty
    and the sun shines every day
    On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees
    and the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
    In the big rock candy mountain

    In the big rock candy mountain
    all the cops have wooden legs
    And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth
    and the hens lay soft boiled eggs
    And the farmers trees are full of fruit
    and the barns are full of hay
    Well I’m bound to go where it doesn’t snow
    Where the rain don’t fall and the wind don’t blow
    In the big rock candy mountains….

    In the big rock candy mountains
    you never change your socks
    And the little streams of alcohol
    come a tricklin’ down the rocks
    And the brakemen have to tip their hats
    and the railroad bulls are blind
    There’s a lake of stew and of whiskey too
    You can paddle all around ’em in a big canoe
    In the big rock candy mountains

    In the big rock candy mountains
    all the jails are made of tin
    And you can walk right out again
    as soon as you are in
    And there ain’t no short handled shovels
    no axes, saws, or picks
    Well I’m bound to stay where you sleep all day
    Where they hung the jerk that invented work
    In the big rock candy mountains

    [whistle additional verse tune up utnil last 2 lines]
    I’ll see you all this comin fall
    in the big rock candy mountains…

    Yes, I have no life….
    Chris

  9. I am so glad I am not the only one who digs this commerical. I honestly sing it alllllll day at work. Since the people at work are getting pissed at me, I think I will make this 60 min extended clip repeat for 8 hours. Thanks Mikey!!

    -Bildo-

  10. I can’t get enough of this song. I am so glad that I was able to get the 60 second clip. I play all the time and share it with friends. The good people at Burger King have done it again.

  11. I love this song..! I sing it all the time and my friends are starting to get mad since its just always in my head! but its a great tune and its always in my head…!

  12. This commercial is wicked awesome. Makes very little sense and you gotta love anything that throws together hot women Darius Rucker and Bacon.

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