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  • “Like a combination Love Boat and Gravy Train”

    Posted by Jonathan on July 31st, 2019 (All posts by )

    NEW YORK CITY (AP) – After a journey spanning 5 years and over 100,000 nautical miles, a liberal research vessel has finally returned home to the New York harbor from which it originally launched. After stopping in 197 countries and interviewing over 50,000 people, the researchers report that they were unable to locate anyone who was not entitled to US health care, welfare payments, or voting rights.

    [. . .]

    (Read the whole thing.)

     

    7 Responses to ““Like a combination Love Boat and Gravy Train””

    1. Mike K Says:

      Did they check for stowaways?

    2. Harvey Says:

      Just wanted to say thanks for linking this :-)

    3. Sam L. Says:

      Ja, das var funny!

    4. Christopher B Says:

      I’m sure Snopes will be all over this.

    5. Gavin Longmuir Says:

      100,000 nautical miles — equivalent to about 4 times round the equator! How much greenhouse gas did these guys create on that marathon trip? These people should be tried as the Climate Criminals they truly are.

    6. Assistant Village Idiot Says:

      Gavin, Gavin, those miles don’t count. You know that.

      We have marked down your name and filed it away, comrade.

    7. Brian Says:

      No, no, no, I have the detailed specs for the ship, it is powered by unicorn farts, and the natural byproduct, besides endless power, is paper money, so that the voyage also has completely solved the global energy and financial crises!

      (P.S. An addendum to the plans notes that in the actual implementation, the ship is powered by slave labor acquired in various countries during the voyage. It is estimated that several hundred thousand Asian and African children died belowdecks, but the current Five Year Plan shows that this is only a brief startup cost.)