Customer Service

Mindless Verbal Taylorism

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Four customer service stories:

1)Telephoning a restaurant. Call a restaurant on the phone–to make a reservation, check on the specials, whatever..and you will likely hear something like this:

Thank you for calling Snarfer’s Steakhouse, where the elite meet to eat. My name is Tiffany…how may I be of assistance to you today?

You can bet Tiffany didn’t come up with this string of words herself. She has been told exactly what to say, has to say it 100 times a day, and is so tired of saying it that she often slurs the words together:

Thank-you-for-calling-Snarfer’s-Steakhouse-where-etc-etc-etc

Often, the message is so slurred and incomprehensible that I’m not sure I’ve called the right number, resulting in a question:

Is this Snarfer’s Steakhouse?

This kind of thing originated with chain restaurants but can now often be found at many independent restaurants as well.

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Unwinding of a Fund of Hedge Funds Position

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I made a mistake several years ago, but I didn’t know it at the time.   It wasn’t a dreadful mistake, but one which I thought I would share with you to perhaps give some guidance and solicit some comments.

About 5 years or so I was sold on purchasing some shares (are they really shares?) of a fund of hedge funds.   I will admit right off the bat that I didn’t know what it does, what it did, or how it works.   I trusted my financial advisor as he told me that it was a great way to diversify my portfolio.

Last October/November I decided to look at every single one of my investments and decide if I needed to sell the position and rebuy (to take the tax loss) or to hold, or to simply sell.   I decided that this fund of funds needed some investigation.

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MasterCard & International Relations

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Under the heading of “we’re all in this together” and “there are heroes among us”:

Tonight I phoned MasterCard; they hear from me quite a lot since I’m pretty incompetent. (I lost my purse for about a week; Target wouldn’t tell me they had it even though I kept phoning; when I dropped by they said, sure, and immediately gave it to me.). So tonight I’m pointing out that I can’t figure out a couple of bills I probably got suckered into by filling out something on the net.

The woman was quite helpful and consistently apologetic though I’m pretty sure it was my fault and told her so. As we were about to hang up, I asked her where she was. She said Mumbai. I gasped and offered my condolences. She told me about a friend trapped in an office during the seige. She said they had learned from the incident – learned to be more vigilant, to be more careful. And that people had reached out to others in warm ways. Still, the destruction of the beautiful landmark was disturbing. And, she hoped all of us (I doubt she mean America hadn’t) would take a consistent stand against the terrorists. We spoke of the stories of heroism. She said I made her feel better – certainly, she made me feel better. The virtue of a world economy is that it brings together people like us, over the telephone very early in her morning and in my evening. We share much; of course, we can share much because we speak English. Her Indian accent and my Mid-western one give no trouble. And it is yet another argument that no matter how tragic the loss of languages may be (and I agree, the more we “save” the better), the sooner and more broadly we have a strong, common language the more moments like this will happen.

Too Many Clicks, Too Much Typing

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Compare and contrast:

Renew two software licenses

-Login at software company website. Both licenses are listed. A “renew license” link appears next to each license. There is no way to select both licenses for simultaneous renewal.

-Type name, address, etc. on online order form.

-Click link to “preferred” credit-card processor.

-Type name, address, credit card info on online form.

-Click “pay” link. Get rejected by credit card company.

-Repeat entire process starting at software company home page. Get rejected again by credit card company.

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‘The customer is not always right’

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Grannies: Gotta Love ‘Em:

(A new employee informs me that she spotted a little boy sneaking some candy in his pants. I confront the boy and an older woman about it.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. Hey, kiddo, what’s in your pocket?”

Boy: “Nothing!”

Granny: “Oh, h***, again?! Boy, if you don’t put that d***ed candy back, that lady gonna call the po-po on you! And I ain’t gonna stop her none.”

(The boy, crying, hands me 2 candy bars and a handful of suckers. I thank the lady, and get back to work. A few minutes later, the boy’s mother comes up to me.)

Read the rest, it’s worth it :)