I am a long time fan of the Onion… although they traffic in humor, sometimes they really nail an issue right on the head. A recent (fake) article was a post by British Petroleum’s (BP) CEO is called “We’re Investing So Much In Alternative Fuels, Sometimes We Almost Forget to Pump Oil!” The article is tongue in cheek as the CEO extols all the work that they have done on publicity and various stunts while just rolling in cash from good ol’ traditional fossil fuels.
“Wow. So why exactly are people still buying gas, when all the cars in the United States are powered by electric batteries by now? They’re not? What?! You’re pulling my leg, right? Surely we’re not still relying on that dinosaur technology after all the effort we’ve put into alternative energy sources and forging an inoffensive corporate identity that reflects a new consciousness of global responsibility. Are we?
Man alive! I’m going to write this down in my planner right now, so I don’t forget to do it later when I’m all caught up in a discussion about wind power and how to maintain the delicate balance of our beautiful, precious ecosystem. “Still pumping oil, question mark.” Well, I’ll look into it, if there’s even anyone left in this multinational corporate headquarters who’s still following that branch of the business.
Wait—the price of oil is what? Over $4 a gallon? No way! Say, we must be making a fortune, huh? How the heck did that happen? Holy cow: Now that I’m looking over these annual revenue figures for the first time, I see that while I was doing all those other things, we made a couple hundred billion bucks!”
COMED AND ILLINOIS
ComEd, the electricity distribution company for Illinois that is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the massively profitable Exelon, sends out an environmental disclosure statement in your monthly bill. The statement shows just how much progress has been made overall towards getting off fossil fuels (and nuclear power).